THE REMINISCENCES

Sometimes, the clouds above, sailing on the sky, twirl themselves and form a figure, a well-known one to me. Bowled over, I raise my hand and draw the figure in the air. But before a familiar face could turn up, the clouds play with me, they roar loudly, as if in mockery, and drench my eyes. Your absence is painful.

Yet another day of rainy season, I was sitting on my terrace, surrounded by street children. I was playing your favorite numbers on my guitar. Children were dancing and enjoying. Clouds came back from the far south, in all shapes. Lost in my music, I had closed my eyes. After all, it was the last thing I was left with.

Soon it began to drizzle. I was standing like an effigy amid drops. Unmoved! Rain is one of the most pleasant gifts bestowed upon us by God. I was a living organism, yet was not enjoying at all. The children screamed in delight, 'rainbow, rainbow.' I looked in the direction they were pointing. It was there in the horizon, though a bit gloomy. All the seven colors were there. The sun, for a moment, hid behind crawling clouds. In a moment, it came out and shone again. The red setting sun from the west scattered its rays. Dusk was not away. The rainbow shone brighter this time. I wiped my wet face with my wet hands and looked again, hoping for something. And it was then, that the figure showed up. It was a rainbow for others; I could see your face shining bright.

Tears rolled down my cheeks but nobody could see them. I was doing all, smiling at your sight, crying on your fickle presence. My joy knew no bounds.

You whispered, 'Hey, I am here.'

I gave a questioning look, 'Where?'

The clouds roared again. More thunders overjoyed the children. They sang and danced merrily.

I asked, 'Where are you? Where have you been so long?'

You replied, 'Don't look out for me. Where do you think I am?”

I was blank. A pause. A deafening silence. Your glistening face still had that charming effect. Your small straight-edged nose was always the centre of attraction. You had the best nose in the world. I recalled when I had last admired your beauty, especially your nose.

“I am still with you. In your beats. In your eyes. In your tears. In your smile.'

'Why do I feel so lonely then?' Inquisitive, I wanted to dig out everything. I knew you could never be back to me; the bereavement is incurable and excruciating at times.

'It's all about what you feel. See the setting sun?’

I looked at the sun. It was red as if burning. The drizzling had stopped. Raindrops were falling off the leaves. Birds were chattering and flying back to their nests. Clouds had dispersed. 

You broke the ice, ‘The sun never sets. The earth rotates and we assume the sun has set. Yet we know that somewhere there is a sun rising and there is another one shining. Feel me with you. Keep me alive within. I am like that sun.’

My attention was stuck at your beautiful nose. The entire life spent with you ran before my eyes like a slideshow. The perturbing scenes were relived. 4 years had passed by since you left me. In the morning, I used to kiss your nose gently. You buried your head in my chest. And the most painful of all, you, my beloved, were lying dead on the floor, clad in white, surrounded by a flock of people, mourning your early death. Your eyes were closed. You lay quiet. Your face was not covered and your beautiful nose was still visible.

You continued, ‘These rain drops are your feelings. When the sun and these rain drops meet, you can see me. For others, it would be a rainbow. For you, it would be me.'

My interaction was disrupted as somebody was shaking my hand, “Hello.” I kind of woke up. I looked down. It was a young fragile girl, around 4, in a beautiful pink frock. I looked at her innocent face. I had never seen her before. Her nose resembled yours. She shook my hand again, ‘Play. Please. Why did you stop?’

I looked back at the horizon to see you but the sun had set and the rain had stopped. Neither the rainbow was there nor were you.

I shook my head and replied, ‘nothing.’ I smiled, patted on her nose gently and picked up my guitar to play.